CV howlers

howlers“I have guts, drive, ambition and heart, which is probably more than a lot of the drones that you have working for you.”

For Employers, a good CV is the difference between going into the ‘Yes’ pile or the bin. If you’re going for a part time or flexible job, then you need to prove you can work more efficiently whilst under pressure, without sacrificing the quality. CV’s are your ‘shop window’, so it’s crucial you don’t have any errors. We’ve done some research to find the best CV howlers so you don’t make the same mistake. 

Don’t rely on spell check

Just one letter can make all the difference:

  • Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.

  • Horse rideing, like going pub when havent got my kids. looking after kids and doing stuff with them when they anit at school.

  • Career break in 1999 to renovate my horse.

  • Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.

  • I’m intrested to here more about that. I’m working today in a furniture factory as a drawer.

  • Enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians.

  • Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.

  • Job Duties: “Answer phones, file papers, respond to customer e-mails, take odors.”

What are you trying to say?!

Always use plain English. Making things complicated can lead to nonsensical sentences and is also ripe for misinterpretation.

  • I am about to enrol on a Business and Finance Degree with the Open University. I feel that this qualification will prove detrimental to me for future success.

  • Time is very valuable and it should be always used to achieve optimum results and I believe it should not be played around with.

  • I belive that weakness is the first level of strength, given the right attitude and driving force. My school advised me to fix my punctuality…

Employers really don’t need to know that

You have to sell yourself, but don’t be too honest and, whatever you do, don’t over-share.

  • Objective: “To become Overlord of the Galaxy!”

  • Finished eighth in my class of ten.

  • It’s best for employers that I not work with people.

  • Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.

  • I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.

  • I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.

  • Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.

  • Marital status: often. Children: various.

“I am very bad about time and don’t mind admitting it. Having to arrive at a certain hour doesn’t make sense to me. What does make sense is that I do the job. Any company that insists upon rigid time schedules will find me a nightmare.”

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